Category Archives: Balance

The Wrong Thing Well -OR- the Right Thing Poorly?

Sheryl Eldene, MA, MBA

I’ve learned an important lesson this quarter, and it’s about the “Hard Work” part of the Big Dreams and Hard Work we talk about here. I’ve always been a focused, hard worker – you know that “Protestant Work Ethic” idea?  And I have a strong confidence in my own ability to do anything I set my mind to, and I pretty much always have done that (except for my forray into raising rabbits – I’ll talk about that next week).

The curse of being able to do a lot of stuff, like code web sites, sew clothing, can beans, grind wheat, make bread from scratch, clean house, create gardens, train dogs…..is that it just isn’t possible to enjoy all those things. I’m not a professional seamstress or a skilled web designer, but I often get myself caught in a “should” of since-I-know-how-to-do-that, I SHOULDN’T pay-someone-else syndrome. I know one thing:

“Many high performers would rather do the wrong thing well than do the right thing poorly. And when they do find themselves in over their head, they’re often unwilling to admit it, even to themselves, and refuse to ask for the help they need.”

I’ve been stuck for the last several weeks, trying to do some wrong things, and struggling to do the right things poorly.  Last week, I hired a professional to do some things that I know how to do, albeit poorly, and it’s an enormous relief to my schedule, to my creativity, and to my day.

What on earth have I been ‘thinking’ all these years? What are you able to do, albeit poorly that you could ask an expert to help you with?

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Filed under Balance, Image & Identity, Sheryl Eldene, Strategy

Flash your · · · — — — · · ·

By Sheryl Eldene, MBA, MA

Before the era of 911, everyone knew the Morse Code for SOS, (· · · — — — · · ·).  Since we don’t use that anymore, I’m giving SOS a new meaning:

SIGNS of STRENGTH.

Master these 7 Signs of Strength and the help can come in the form of improved relationships, greater joy and connection with yourself, better self-care, enhanced communication, and greater success toward your goal.  Over there on the left under “Author Audios” you’ll find an exercise to help you identify your own unique character strengths, be sure to give that a listen today.

  1. Respond instead of react. When we react, we are usually acting from defense and from weakness.  If you respond from your strength, the response is very different.  For example, one of my character strengths is curiosity.  When my husband lands on my for leaving dirty dishes in the sink, my reaction is to recount all the time he leaves hairs in the shower AND junk in the garage, I’ve pretty much launched WWIII and have no idea what any sign of strength might be.  However, if I can respond from my strength of curiosity, wondering why this particular afternoon, those dishes where a difficulty, then I have launched a discussion that might not be all lovey-dovey, but can result in my putting those dishes on the counter on Monday’s so he has space to prepare for his evening with his buddies with the munchies he promised to bring.
  2. Identify and learn from your judgemnts. Judgments are often a reflection or our own inner needs and values. Really, when I judge you as negligent and rude when you use the merge lane to jump in from on ME, I’m acting from my own value of patience, of order, and of structure.  It’s a lot easier to talk to myself as you try to cut in front of the line by saying that “Yes, structure and order are important to me – not so much to you, and I see that fast and me-first is more important to you.  I wonder what part of my life would benefit from more order – my kitchen counters, probably”.
  3. Reach out when you need it. Asking for help is not a weakness.  Although our country is build on independence, and that is a strength, you can also use the strength of community, sharing, and mutual support.  That support must go both ways for each party to feel strong.
  4. Keep your word – especially to yourself. Any strength put on like a coat just for company isn’t really a strength, it’s a show.  If you have a value to keeping your word to others, but fail to exercise, avoid sugar, go to bed early, whatever, because when you cheat on you no one knows, then your word is just for show, and your heart suffers.
  5. Take time for yourself. This isn’t narcissistic or indulgent – it’s absolutely necessary.  The airlines got it right when they tell you to put on your own oxygen mask before putting on your child’s – because if you don’t, the child and you might not make it.  Caring for yourself helps you care for others better, and models for those around you what a healthy lifestyle looks like.
  6. Know what you want. While meandering through life is fun, without knowing what you want, you’ll just get more of what you have today, which might be just fine.  Take time to figure out what floats your boat, not what should float your boat, but what really does.
  7. Don’t take things personally, even if it sounds personal, it usually isn’t.  As a matter of fact, I believe that we are simply not capable of judging others.  If I tell you you’re beautiful, I’m really saying that you have a feature, or a manner, or a style of dressing that I’d like – which is about me, not you.  If I tell you that you’re fat, I’m really saying that I have a value of slim-ness that I haven’t achieved and I’m afraid that I won’t achieve that – otherwise your shape wouldn’t even get my attention, let alone get energy for me to say something.

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Filed under Balance, Image & Identity, Inner Coach, Personal Transitions, Sheryl Eldene, Uncategorized

How do you spell Success – Creativity or Innovation?

Sheryl Eldene, MA, MBA

It is said that creativity consists of thinking new things, while innovation consists of doing new things. How do you spell success?

When we talk about success, it depends on the goal or the end one has in mind, whether creativity, innovation, or same-old-same-old might pave the road to success. If my goal is to increase marketing share, innovation may be necessary, depending on the maturity of that market. If feeling alive as a CEO and creating a long term sustainable business is the goal, then innovation is core.  However, when I’m working with different groups of people, how I might think about women, or men, or hispanics, or gen Y’s will color my success so here, creativity and thoughtful intention will be needed. If having dinner prepared in time, then same-old-same-old works better. Like Covey says, “Begin with the end in mind” and the process, tools, and resources present themselves.

What paves your road to success as you move toward your intended goals?

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Filed under Balance, Business Planning, Intentions, Sheryl Eldene

Making a Living, or Making a Life?

Sheryl Eldene, MA, MBA

There’s a bumper sticker that I see around that says “I owe, I owe, so off to work I go”. It just breaks my heart, and I find myself wanting to pull over the driver and, in my fantasy, be that altruistic millionaire from the TV show, and invite them off that hook with a big fat check. I shortly snap myself back to reality, though, and realize that it’s really all about intention, and a million dollars won’t help someone whose intention is to just go to work and drudge through the day.

If the intention is to make a living, create enough cash flow to stay out of debt and to put a roof over your head, then the way you get out of bed and the creative energy you use is specific to that intention. In this mode, you may get out of bed with an alarm clock to help you punch in at work on time. You get out of bed grumbly and drag yourself to work. Your creativity and joy are buried under a heap of that gumbling and you have very few areas of your life that are energizing or fun.

If your intention is to make a life, you may very well go to exactly the same job in the previous scenario. You still get up with the alarm clock, but, since this is the life your are creating, you might enjoy a morning walk with your tunes, your dog, or even a friend. On the way to work, if finding joy at work is the life you intend, then you may be thinking about the day’s projects and the day’s contacts and how you can enjoy them. If not, you may be thinking about your lunch plans, and crafting in your mind how to teach your young-in to catch better or memorize history lessons.

You can make a life while making a living, and some people make a life out of making a living (those career focused people – of whom I am one).  If, however, you find those times when you’re just making a living and not loving it – that might be a good time to revisit your intentions.

  1. When you were 16 or 18, before you began your adult life, what did you dream it might be? 
  2. What part of that dream might you incorporate into this day? 
  3. Is it time to step back and ask what it is you really want in your life? 
  4. What values do you live by that need to be expressed in your life?
  5. What brings you joy, and how can that be incorporated into your day?

As we focus this month on intentions, we’re inviting you to examine your deepest intentions, and explore how they might  be expressed.

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Filed under Balance, Intentions, Motivation, Sheryl Eldene, Uncategorized

Anger and the lizard brain.

<div class=\"postavatar\">Anger and the lizard brain.</div>

by Gail Z. Martin

I’ve told the story about the two warring wolves inside each of us—the light one that is brave and true and the dark one that is dangerous.  The wolf that wins is the wolf we feed.

I tackled my own “wolf problem” when it came to feeling angry.  Now I’ve already shared my reaction to the over-hyped, over-dramatized TV news.  But once I realized how much the doom-and-gloom drumbeat of the news affected my mood, I went looking for other culprits in order to take back my wolf.
A friend of mine who is a psychologist told me that the oldest part of the brain is focused on survival.  It’s programmed to fight, reproduce and grab all the resources for itself, because that’s how wild animals survive.  Interestingly enough, this old part of the brain is what lights up when we’re angry.  And even more interesting, when we’re angry, the body redirects blood from the more advanced parts of the brain (that control logic, reasoning and decision-making) to fuel the fight-or-flight old brain.

Do you realize what that means?  When we’re angry, we’re using our lizard brain, not the new improved frontal lobe reasoning brain.  In other words—and this is important—anger turns off the ability to think.

Now consider how angry our society has become.  Road rage. Politicians who barely avoid fist fights and call each other names. Flamers and trolls on the Internet who post nasty comments.  School bullying that makes kids commit suicide.  Talk radio. Anger turns off the ability to think.
What would happen if you pulled the plug on the anger-makers?  Skip the morning drive talk radio show that leaves you with an upset stomach and a bad mood.  Stop reading the Letters to the Editor and the comments on news blogs.  Look for a non-partisan source for news that tries its best to provide the facts and let you decide.  Take time to breathe.

Anger turns off the ability to think—and it also drowns out your intuition.  When you’re angry, there are too many survival chemicals flooding your system for you to hear the soft whisper of intuition and opportunity.

Make just one change this week to pull the plug on the anger-makers and let me know how it changes your life and awakens your intuition.

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Filed under Balance, Gail Z. Martin, Image & Identity, Inspiration, Passion & Potential, Personal Transitions

Which wolf are you feeding?

<div class=\"postavatar\">Which wolf are you feeding?</div>

by Gail Z. Martin

There’s an old story about a Native American grandfather who tells his grandson about the two wolves that live inside of every person.  One is a light wolf that is brave and true, and the other is a dark wolf that is dangerous and can’t be trusted.  The child asks, “Which wolf wins?”  And the grandfather answers, “The one you feed.”

With all the talk lately about civility (and lack thereof), I got thinking about the wolves we choose to feed.  I’ll make a confession—I stopped watching TV news regularly about 18 years ago.  Now that’s an odd admission from someone in the marketing and PR business, but the reason is, I realized how negative and sensationalized TV news had become since the days of Walter Cronkite and Huntley & Brinkley.

Sure, I’ll tune in for the main points of a big story, but I won’t leave it on.  Why?  I don’t want to hear all the breathless speculation (from people who don’t know more than I do on a breaking story).  Have you ever noticed how the speculation becomes more and more dire, and then moves from true speculation into “experts” predicting the worst?  And how do you feel while you’re watching that?  Tense? Angry? Frightened?

It took a toddler to make me realize how toxic TV news had become.  Once my daughter was old enough to really pay attention to conversations, she would hear enough scary stuff on the news to burst into tears.  I turned it off to avoid scaring her—and realized that I didn’t miss it, either.

Now I’m still a news junkie.  I read five newspapers online each day and subscribe to about 15 monthly magazines (and read them).   But the amazing thing is, when I read the news, I decide which stories deserve breathless coverage.  I’m not being manipulated by the fake emotions of the newscaster.  I remain much more calm, even when I’m reading about something bad.  I fed the light wolf instead of the dark one.

So here’s a challenge.  Try swapping the TV news for an online newspaper or news journal magazine for one month and see if you feel calmer.  If you can’t switch off the TV completely, mute the news and turn on the subtitles.  Try it, and I guarantee you’ll start to feel less stressed, less angry and less at the mercy of the universe.

Let me know how it works for you!

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Filed under Balance, Gail Z. Martin