Tag Archives: Inner Coach

by | November 3, 2011 · 6:00 am

It’s Difficult to Change

Sheryl Eldene, MA, MBA

A group of scientists and researchers put five monkeys in a cage, in the middle of the cage was a ladder.  On top of the ladder was a bunch of bananas. When a monkey climbed the ladder to catch the bananas and reached the top, a jet of cold water was thrown on the others who were on the ground.

After a certain time, when a monkey climbed to catch the bananas, the others took him off the lader and spanked him. Later on, no one climbed the ladder anymore, in spite of the temptation of the sweet treat at the top.

Next, one of them was replaced by a new monkey. The first thing he tried to do was to climb the ladder, but he was taken off by the others who spanked him. As he was not able to reach the top, the others did not receive the jet of cold water. After some spanking, the new member of the group stopped trying to reach the bananas anymore.

A second monkey was replaced in the cage and the same thing happened to him. The first one took part, with enthusiasm in the spanking of the new one. A third was replaced and the same thing happened. A fourth, and finally the last one of the members of the group was replaced.

The researchers, then, had in the cage a group of five monkeys who had never received a cold bath through were still spanking the one who tried to reach the bananas. If it were possible to ask any of them why they spanked the one who tried to climb the ladder, surely, among the answers the most frequent one would be:
“I don’t know, but things have always been like this around here.”

Are there actions that you are taking in your business or your life that originally had a life affirming reason for being part of you, but no longer serves you? For example:

  • What did you have for breakfast;
  • How you respond to survey calls;
  • How your respond to solicitation visits;
  • How you respond to requests for help;
  • How you ask for help.

During this week of transition, check out what is on auto-pilot, and why is the banana in your life still hanging there above the ladder?

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Filed under Image & Identity, Intentions, Intuition, Motivation, Personal Transitions, Social Media

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by | June 8, 2011 · 10:37 am

Windmills of your Mind

By Gail Z. Martin

Remember Don Quixote who jousted with windmills?  The image evokes a noble but losing battle.  There’s also the old song Windmills of Your Mind, homage to the thoughts  on the edge of waking and sleeping, ideas that go round and round in your head.

Recently, I saw a rather dangerous combination of the two ideas that, unfortunately, is all too common among business people.  It’s the vicious cycle of attract/repel that keeps some people frozen in place, never able to make true progress.

Twice now I’ve had business owners seek me out for my opinion on marketing and ask for my advice.  However, as soon as I toss out a few ideas, the windmills crank up and the negative winds start to blow.  Every suggestion or idea is met with a reason why it can’t work.

One person got quite heated about it, declaring that it was impossible to market in her industry for a variety of reasons.  Now true, that particular industry has more hurdles than most, but as I pointed out to this person, some of the largest companies in that field do have a blogging and social media presence.  She immediately proceeded to tell me what it would work for them but not for her. She was so busy defending her position that nothing was possible that she could not hear anything I said.

In the other case, outdated assumptions severely limited the person’s options.  She was an accountant who wanted to create a package of services/educational products related to estate planning but outside of actual accounting.  She came to me to ask how to get people to attend the events she planned to hold.  When I started to suggest traditional and new media ways to promote the new package, she told me quite heatedly that accountants don’t advertise, can’t advertise, not by law but by convention.  Funny, I heard that line of thinking from physicians 25 years ago, and now physician advertising (tasteful, understated but still promotional) is quite common.  I’ve also seen similar low-key but effective promotion for accountants.  And I pointed out that the new package was not accounting.  No matter–her mind was made up.

What happened?  In both cases, some desire compelled these two people to seek me out for advice.  They knew my line of work, so it should have come as no surprise that I suggested ways to market.  Yet the windmills of their minds–outdated ideas, critical voices, fears and doubts, were too strong.  They were trapped going round and round with old, limiting ideas and fears, unwilling to even consider a new way to approach the situation.  They missed the chance to move forward.

How about you?  What windmills do you have in your mind? Where are your thoughts trapped by fears, doubts and outdated ideas?  They may be costing you valuable opportunities!

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Filed under Gail Z. Martin, Intentions, Sales

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by | June 1, 2011 · 10:11 am

Who are your market makers?

By Gail Z. Martin

I owe a debt to a friend of mine, Chia-li Chen, for coining the phrase “market makers” (you can listen to her this month on my Shared Dreams podcast at (www.SharedDreamsPodcast.com).  It’s a brilliant phrase, and a brilliant idea.

“Market makers” are the partners who help you reach a wider audience than you would have otherwise been able to meet.  They are the event promoters who invite you to speak at a national conference, the large corporation that  buy a quantity of your book as an incentive prize, or maybe the corporate website that hosts you on a teleseminar for all of their clients.

Who are your market makers?

Sometimes, people stumble into market makers, but most of the time, it’s intentional.  It comes from having a clear idea of who your ideal client is, and where you can find them in clusters.  Market makers also help you accelerate your growth by connecting with you to lots of your ideal prospects, instead of you having to find those prospects one at a time.

How do you know a market maker when you see it?  Think about the companies that serve your ideal clients, who provide complementary—not competing—services, and that are organized enough so that affiliation with them creates scalable growth for you.  What companies would be a great fit for you as a speaker or for your books?   What organizations could hire you over and over again to consult or speak, or provide large orders of product?

Then it’s up to you to network your way in front of decision makers with a great win-win proposal.  When there’s a good match, both sides will clearly see the benefit.

Who are your market makers?

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Filed under Gail Z. Martin, Marketing, Strategy

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by | May 18, 2011 · 10:07 am

Too busy to notice

By Gail Z. Martin

I do a lot of signings in bookstores.  My table is always right up at the door, and I try to greet everyone who comes in with a smile, a free bookmark and a 10 second question to connect with people who like to read my kind of book.

It works well for about 75% of the people who come in.  And the rest?  They’re too busy to notice.  Many of them are talking on their cell phones.  They’re so busy talking to people who aren’t there, they have no time to meet someone who’s standing right in front of them.

Others are in a hurry.  They brush past you without making eye contact like they’re afraid you’re going to spray perfume on them or ask for a buck.  Sometimes, they cut me off before I can finish my “Did you get a bookmark?” question with a curt “Don’t want one.”  How would they know?  They have no idea what I’m offering them  or who I am, or why I’m there.

So what did they miss?  Well, they missed meeting an honest-to-goodness author, which for some people counts as sorta cool.  They missed finding out about a book they or someone they know might have liked.  But they could have missed out on a million dollars, the love of their life, or their next job for all they know, because they were in too much of a hurry to find out what was being offered because they were too busy.

What are you missing out on because you’re too busy to notice?  Flowers in the garden?  Kids who won’t stay the age they are forever?  A spouse who is trying to talk to you?  Neighbors who might turn into friends?  Acquaintances who might become clients?  You’ll never know until you slow down enough to listen.

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by | May 11, 2011 · 10:05 am

Finding your Sasha Fierce

By Gail Z. Martin

If you’re a Beyonce fan, then you know  that according to the star, she’s actually not as “out there” as her stage persona.  In fact, Beyonce psyches herself up for performances by mentally playing a role, a character she calls Sasha Fierce.

I think that’s brilliant, and it got me wondering—have you found your own Sasha Fierce?

There are so many times in business that you have to go public when inside, you’re thinking “I’m not ready yet!”  And yet, you have to go.  It may be doing a presentation that you wish you had another month to practice, or making a sales pitch to a prospect that is a big opportunity.  Maybe it’s rolling out a product that is as good as you can make it but not perfect.  You focus on the maybes and the fear, instead of strutting your stuff.

Time to find your Sasha Fierce.

Pretend you have an alter-ego (all the superheroes do, why not you?).  This alter-ego is whatever you think you’re not—extroverted, comfortable on stage, never at a loss for words, quick on her feet, good at closing a sale, etc.  Imagine you’re writing a play with the alter-ego as a character.  Describe him/her in detail.  Make it like a real person.  And when you’re done, try on your “secret identity” for size, like a suit of clothes.  (Ever notice that superheroes always change clothes when they go from alter-ego to hero?)  You don’t even need a phone booth (what does Superman do now that everyone has cell phones?).

Step into your version of Sasha Fierce, and pretend you’re the actor playing the role.  No one needs to know except you.  In the role, could you be bold?  Could you take charge of the situation?  Make the sale? Close the deal?  Could you get on stage without shaking?  If so, then you’ve learned what Beyonce already knows—everyone needs a Sasha Fierce.

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by | May 5, 2011 · 8:00 am

Amnesia, anyone?

By Sheryl Eldene, MA, MBA

I’ve been fascinated with movies about people who wake up, usually in the hospital and don’t know their name, and don’t remember their roles (wife, husband, employee) or their habits (happy guy, quiet person, music lover).  While on the one hand, that seems like a nightmare that you’d want to wake up from, my fantasy is that it would be the most freeing day of the year.  As we talk about being your own coach this month, what if you could start tomorrow on an absolutely clean slate – what would you create for your life?

An important part of Big Dreams is the ability to dream them.  So often yesterday’s definitions about who you are, what you can do, and how you act keep yanking you out of your dream.  If tomorrow were actually the first day of your life, and you’re starting with the advantage of you can already walk, talk your language, and you know some social mores like shaking hands, smiling when spoken to, remaining clothed in public – you can go forward into this brand new day anyway you like.

We’re suggesting this month that you exercise your inner-coach-muscle.  How about beginning with as blank a slate as you can and moving forward into your day with new Big Dreams.  If you catch yourself making the month’s plans by rote, just because it’s how you’ve always done it, see if that inner-coach-muscle might flex in a different way.

I’m doing a big break-out from the mold this week.  I’m taking a vacation by myself to a health spa, just because.  I’m sure that if I woke up some day in a hospital and couldn’t remember my name, as soon as I remembered how to travel, and discovered that I had enough money in my accounts to cover a few days at a spa – I would jump on the chance.  So I’m doing it – and I even remember my name and my husband and children’s names (although maybe for just a few days out there on the ranch I won’t even care what my name is).

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Filed under Dreams, Motivation, Passion & Potential, Sheryl Eldene

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by | April 28, 2011 · 8:00 am

WHAT matters, check HOW at the door….

By Sheryl Eldene, MA, MBA

I ran across a quote of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. this week which really caught my eye –

“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.”

This is especially appropriate as we finish this month’s focus on setting intention. So many times, our choice of a goal gets dumbed-down because we can’t figure out how it’s going to happen, or, as Dr. King said, we can’t see all the steps between here and there. Part of the art of setting intention is just setting it and having trust in your own inner courage and power to move in that direction, knowing that there is a way, and your feet will find it – maybe even in spite of your mind which is wildly trying to think up HOW.

Years ago I used to write down everything I wanted in my life as a New Year’s day activity.  Since I was flying private airplanes at the time, one of those things was to have a home that backed onto a private airstrip so I could just pull my plane out of the hanger next to my house and take off.  Of course I couldn’t see the end of that staircase, but it went on my list anyway.  Same with the swimming pool I thought would be lovely in my backyard, and the business I wanted to start.  None of those dreams came with a how, they were just MY DREAM.  Truth be told, a year or two later, I wasn’t interested in the pool (too much to clean, and too risky for my children’s safety) or in the home on an airstrip (too noisy and isolated from the city) and I’ve run my business successfully now for 18 years even though I put that on my “Dream” list 30 years ago.

WHAT intentions would you set if you didn’t have to come up with the HOW first?

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