Category Archives: Uncategorized

by | September 8, 2011 · 8:32 am

Never Compromise your Dream

by Sheryl Eldene, MA, MBA

“If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all is left is a compromise.” (Robert Fritz, The Path of Least Resistance).

 In working with the Sweet Spot material, after the background check to determine your strengths, your beliefs, and your life purpose, the next big step is to determine what goal you will work with as you move through the process.

When we allow the “How” to be part of the “What” discussion, we open ourselves to a compromise between what we really want, and what we understand how to create. What if Mother Teresa, as a child was asked “What do you want to be when you grow up?” She might have responded, “I want to be the pope”.

Let’s imagine that her mother, well schooled in the principles of the law of attraction. said, “Great, honey – what is the first step you’d like to take in that direction?” Little Teresa might have asked to attend a Catholic grade school, supported by nuns where she could share the vision of the life dedicated to the church. As she grew, with her eye on serving the Church as Pope, she joined an order that allowed her to serve globally and learn all that would be needed to become Pope. Along the way, she would have learned that the Pope job is reserved for men only, and, she could take on changing the gender attitudes, or she could chose to serve the Catholic Church in a way that pleased her and used her keen talents of working in the church structure and caring for children.

In a difference scenario, her mother might have said “Oh, I’m sorry, dear, you can’t ever be Pope, that’s only for men”. Then little Teresa might have decided to work in a day care, with little kids, since that seems like a compromise between serving God in a global way and being a woman in today’s world.

Yes, this is a highly unlikely scenario, but I ask you, what goals are setting for yourself, simply because you can see the “how” and you are allowing yourself to dumb-down your dreams to meet your current skills, resources, experience, or expectation? If you actually could do, be, or have anything your mind can imagine, what might that be. Chapters on how will come much later. If you try to mix how with what, the result usually is a stalemate, a stuck in what is, and all that is left is a disappointing compromise. Dream Big, it’s your soul’s birthright.

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by | August 3, 2011 · 8:43 am

Got a Backbone?

Sheryl Eldene, MA, MBA

Remember those cute minnows swirling around Gail’s feet yesterday? They have intact backbones and really aren’t succeeding. Neither are the jellyfish stranded on the sand in the outgoing tide. Many people understand that BACKBONE, will, drive, Hard Work and discipline are critical to success.

As we look at obstacles to business success, consider the obstacle of no WISHBONE – no time to set vision, create focus and intention. Yes, we talk about annually an quarterly stepping back to create vision and specific strategies, but have you considered bringiing that practice into the month, the week, the day, or even the next hour?  Setting vision for the day or the hour, is more like setting your intention for this day to be _______(productive, nurturing, energized, giving, fulfilling – fill in the blank) and holding that intention as you take on your action steps for that day.

What I see happening so often, is sitting down at my desk, with a carefully prepared list of action steps that may or may not match my strategy, then working very HARD with all my drive, will, discipline until my neck hurts, I’m cranky and I know, from my work on professional burn-out, that I’m on my way down that path, fighting the tide and finally ending up as food for the big players. [OK, that’s a little dramatice, but you get the point].

To bring joy, success, as well as long term contribution in my field, I engage both bones. Here’s my check list:

  • Is what I’m about to do consistent with my intention for the day?
  • Is what I’m about to do consistent with my strategy for the quarter?
  • Do I have the energy to do this with my full attention and my full heart?
  • Can I do this from a place of power and energy, or from a place of just surviving?

No to any one of these questions may suggest that I’m driving and striving, just like those little minnows and maybe I’ll still be fighting the ocean when the day is done.  As you look at what obstacles may be limiting your success, consider the marriage of both your will and your self-discipline (BACKBONE) with your visioning, your intentions, and your heart (WISHBONE). This is the essence of linking the Law of Attraction to the Law of Action – and that marriage real Olympic Gold.

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Filed under Business Planning, Dreams, Intentions, Sheryl Eldene, Strategy, Uncategorized

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by | July 21, 2011 · 4:00 am

Evaporated Dreams

Sheryl Eldene, MA, MBA

There are many theories about the sources and causes of stress and/or burnout. I propose that underneath all those ideas is a systemic disconnect between one’s strengths and ones dreams. Any combination other than being connected and acting from strengths as well as keeping a conscious focus on dreams can create the symptoms of stress and lead to burnout. The most disastrous is the state of being out of touch with one’s dreams and working from ones’ weaknesses.

When I talk about being out of touch with dreams, I’m looking at the place in your life, often appearing at mid-life when your dreams of having a beautiful home, perfect children, loving and attentive spouse or of six figure income and international fame and instead you find yourself cleaning dirty toilets, drudging through boring projects at work, and dragging yourself to the movies because you just can’t think of anything else to do.

When one is also out of touch with operating from one’s strengths, the stress doubles or triples exponentially. When you find yourself working with people in, say a sales or customer service job, and your greatest strength is introspection and left-brain mathematical concepts, you may be working from weakness. On the other hand, if you’re highly social and love being with and interacting with people, and, you are in a cubicle all day updating spreadsheets or programming computers, you haven’t connected your purpose to your inherent strengths.

When one is off purpose with both dreams and strengths, stress burnout is inevitable. If stress is keeping you from your Big Dreams, here are a few tips for treating those symptoms and getting back on track:

  1. Add something beautiful to your life on a daily basis, such as flowers or music.
  2. Do some enjoyable activities whenever possible.
  3. Walk, work, and eat at a relaxed pace.
  4.  Take a short break after meals to relax.
  5.  If possible, go outside at least once per day and notice the simple things such as the weather or scenery.
  6. During the day, whenever you remember, notice any tension in your body (jaw, neck, shoulders). Breathe deeply and gently stretch and relax any tense areas.
  7. If you notice your mind racing or worrying about the past or future, take a minute to breathe deeply. Gently focus on something in the moment such as the feel of your breathing, the visual scenery, the sound of birds.
  8. Take breaks during the workday to relax.
    Wear comfortable and loose clothing when possible. Take off your shoes when you can.
  9. Avoid holding in feelings day after day. Instead, find a safe place to feel, express, and embrace them.
  10. ABOVE ALL, BE GENTLE AND PATIENT WITH YOURSELF. SOME PEOPLE FIND THEMSELVES FALLING BACK INTO EXCESSIVELY STRESSFUL HABITS FROM TIME TO TIME. THAT IS PERFECTLY NORMAL. SIMPLY NOTICE THAT CHANGE IN A NON-JUDGMENTAL WAY AND REFOCUS ON THE STRESS REDUCTION PRACTICES THAT WILL PROMOTE A HEALTHY WAY OF LIFE.

May the third quarter of the year find you focused on those dreams, living from your strengths, and dancing.

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by | June 2, 2011 · 5:00 am

Flash your · · · — — — · · ·

By Sheryl Eldene, MBA, MA

Before the era of 911, everyone knew the Morse Code for SOS, (· · · — — — · · ·).  Since we don’t use that anymore, I’m giving SOS a new meaning:

SIGNS of STRENGTH.

Master these 7 Signs of Strength and the help can come in the form of improved relationships, greater joy and connection with yourself, better self-care, enhanced communication, and greater success toward your goal.  Over there on the left under “Author Audios” you’ll find an exercise to help you identify your own unique character strengths, be sure to give that a listen today.

  1. Respond instead of react. When we react, we are usually acting from defense and from weakness.  If you respond from your strength, the response is very different.  For example, one of my character strengths is curiosity.  When my husband lands on my for leaving dirty dishes in the sink, my reaction is to recount all the time he leaves hairs in the shower AND junk in the garage, I’ve pretty much launched WWIII and have no idea what any sign of strength might be.  However, if I can respond from my strength of curiosity, wondering why this particular afternoon, those dishes where a difficulty, then I have launched a discussion that might not be all lovey-dovey, but can result in my putting those dishes on the counter on Monday’s so he has space to prepare for his evening with his buddies with the munchies he promised to bring.
  2. Identify and learn from your judgemnts. Judgments are often a reflection or our own inner needs and values. Really, when I judge you as negligent and rude when you use the merge lane to jump in from on ME, I’m acting from my own value of patience, of order, and of structure.  It’s a lot easier to talk to myself as you try to cut in front of the line by saying that “Yes, structure and order are important to me – not so much to you, and I see that fast and me-first is more important to you.  I wonder what part of my life would benefit from more order – my kitchen counters, probably”.
  3. Reach out when you need it. Asking for help is not a weakness.  Although our country is build on independence, and that is a strength, you can also use the strength of community, sharing, and mutual support.  That support must go both ways for each party to feel strong.
  4. Keep your word – especially to yourself. Any strength put on like a coat just for company isn’t really a strength, it’s a show.  If you have a value to keeping your word to others, but fail to exercise, avoid sugar, go to bed early, whatever, because when you cheat on you no one knows, then your word is just for show, and your heart suffers.
  5. Take time for yourself. This isn’t narcissistic or indulgent – it’s absolutely necessary.  The airlines got it right when they tell you to put on your own oxygen mask before putting on your child’s – because if you don’t, the child and you might not make it.  Caring for yourself helps you care for others better, and models for those around you what a healthy lifestyle looks like.
  6. Know what you want. While meandering through life is fun, without knowing what you want, you’ll just get more of what you have today, which might be just fine.  Take time to figure out what floats your boat, not what should float your boat, but what really does.
  7. Don’t take things personally, even if it sounds personal, it usually isn’t.  As a matter of fact, I believe that we are simply not capable of judging others.  If I tell you you’re beautiful, I’m really saying that you have a feature, or a manner, or a style of dressing that I’d like – which is about me, not you.  If I tell you that you’re fat, I’m really saying that I have a value of slim-ness that I haven’t achieved and I’m afraid that I won’t achieve that – otherwise your shape wouldn’t even get my attention, let alone get energy for me to say something.

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Filed under Balance, Image & Identity, Inner Coach, Personal Transitions, Sheryl Eldene, Uncategorized

by | May 19, 2011 · 7:30 am

Making a Living, or Making a Life?

Sheryl Eldene, MA, MBA

There’s a bumper sticker that I see around that says “I owe, I owe, so off to work I go”. It just breaks my heart, and I find myself wanting to pull over the driver and, in my fantasy, be that altruistic millionaire from the TV show, and invite them off that hook with a big fat check. I shortly snap myself back to reality, though, and realize that it’s really all about intention, and a million dollars won’t help someone whose intention is to just go to work and drudge through the day.

If the intention is to make a living, create enough cash flow to stay out of debt and to put a roof over your head, then the way you get out of bed and the creative energy you use is specific to that intention. In this mode, you may get out of bed with an alarm clock to help you punch in at work on time. You get out of bed grumbly and drag yourself to work. Your creativity and joy are buried under a heap of that gumbling and you have very few areas of your life that are energizing or fun.

If your intention is to make a life, you may very well go to exactly the same job in the previous scenario. You still get up with the alarm clock, but, since this is the life your are creating, you might enjoy a morning walk with your tunes, your dog, or even a friend. On the way to work, if finding joy at work is the life you intend, then you may be thinking about the day’s projects and the day’s contacts and how you can enjoy them. If not, you may be thinking about your lunch plans, and crafting in your mind how to teach your young-in to catch better or memorize history lessons.

You can make a life while making a living, and some people make a life out of making a living (those career focused people – of whom I am one).  If, however, you find those times when you’re just making a living and not loving it – that might be a good time to revisit your intentions.

  1. When you were 16 or 18, before you began your adult life, what did you dream it might be? 
  2. What part of that dream might you incorporate into this day? 
  3. Is it time to step back and ask what it is you really want in your life? 
  4. What values do you live by that need to be expressed in your life?
  5. What brings you joy, and how can that be incorporated into your day?

As we focus this month on intentions, we’re inviting you to examine your deepest intentions, and explore how they might  be expressed.

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by | April 28, 2011 · 8:00 am

WHAT matters, check HOW at the door….

By Sheryl Eldene, MA, MBA

I ran across a quote of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. this week which really caught my eye –

“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.”

This is especially appropriate as we finish this month’s focus on setting intention. So many times, our choice of a goal gets dumbed-down because we can’t figure out how it’s going to happen, or, as Dr. King said, we can’t see all the steps between here and there. Part of the art of setting intention is just setting it and having trust in your own inner courage and power to move in that direction, knowing that there is a way, and your feet will find it – maybe even in spite of your mind which is wildly trying to think up HOW.

Years ago I used to write down everything I wanted in my life as a New Year’s day activity.  Since I was flying private airplanes at the time, one of those things was to have a home that backed onto a private airstrip so I could just pull my plane out of the hanger next to my house and take off.  Of course I couldn’t see the end of that staircase, but it went on my list anyway.  Same with the swimming pool I thought would be lovely in my backyard, and the business I wanted to start.  None of those dreams came with a how, they were just MY DREAM.  Truth be told, a year or two later, I wasn’t interested in the pool (too much to clean, and too risky for my children’s safety) or in the home on an airstrip (too noisy and isolated from the city) and I’ve run my business successfully now for 18 years even though I put that on my “Dream” list 30 years ago.

WHAT intentions would you set if you didn’t have to come up with the HOW first?

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by | March 10, 2011 · 4:15 pm

Following your Bliss or your Blisters?

By Sheryl Eldene, MA, MBA,

As you prepare your second quarter action plans, now might be a good time to observe if those plans represent a desire to follow your bliss or your blisters. Here are four tips to consider:

  1. Is that action step a reaction to a first quarter problem? If so, excellent, the business can continue to improve by evaluating what isn’t working and changing a policy, a practice, or an attitude that is detracting from your goals.
  2. Is that action step aligned with your annual goal? If so, excellent, your job as the Chief Operating Officer of your business is to keep your eye on the big annual goal and to make sure that those weekly, monthly, and quarterly action steps will take you to that objective.
  3. Is that action step aligned with you Big Dream? If so, excellent, your job as Chief Executive Officer is to set the mission and vision of your company and be sure that your company continues to be a picture your original vision.
  4. As you think about your second quarter, are you mostly a step one, a step two, or a step three. It is very easy, as an owner of a small business, to live in the put-out-fire zone(stage one), visit the COO zone(stage two), and forget the CEO zone(stage three).
    • Try setting the tone for each quarter with a week-end retreat to get back in touch with your mission and your own deeply held values and WHY for doing what you do.
    • Plan a week annual retreat to set the tone, mission, and vision for each year
    • Use your coach as a means to regularly check in on all three levels and keep yourself on track.

May you always follow your bliss, and treat those blisters – and let us know how are those second quarter plans coming.

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